Bitter

A poem by my sweet friend and sister, Sophia.

Let me be me for just a moment
Let me be me and see for just a moment
Give this bitter heart glasses
Let this selfish girl see
Put it all in perspective, all in perspective for me

Maybe I cry because I don't look at the moon
Or hear crickets chirping on a night when you realize it's over so soon

The lights, the part, the action,
I find myself snatching at these things
Like they're all I have
Oh, what I miss
When I can't see past the lists
Of ways to get to You without forgetting who
Everyone else is, and where they fit in
And how it'll all work out
And if I'll ever kiss him

Lord, PLEASE don't let me miss it
The point
I don't want to go any further
So disjointed from my Father in Heaven

Do You look down on me?
I bet you wish I could see
the way You do...

I wish I know how it felt to not be afraid
Afraid of myself and what I could do
If I weren't strong enough
If I let those thoughts through

Lord, I am trying to change my mind
And my mouth
My words taste bitter as I let them out
And my laugh, oh, my laugh
How it stabs me in the back
It returns to haunt me
These things are so bad

Let me be me and see for a moment
Let me be me and see for just a moment
Hear the crickets, feel the moonlight
It's all You...
Don't let me lose sight.

Young Waverer

Wandering soul, you seem so lost You waver in the world Unsure of who you are Unsure of where you belong Unsure of who to love and Unsure how to be Unsure, so unsure Seasons come and scenery changes People change too, but you're still holding on Young waverer, why do you run? Young waverer you look confused You've got questions I've got facts You're not broken Just off track Young waverer, just off track Talents and dreams, they fill your mind And suddenly you fall behind Blurry and distant, you can't see Or do you not care? What's going on around you Behind the back you've turned Young waverer why do you run? Young waverer you look confused You've got questions I've got facts You're not broken Just off track Young waverer Seasons come and scenery changes People change too, but you're still holding on Holding on On to the past, the things that have gone Deluding yourself with fancies Excluding yourself from friends You've built yourself a wall, A little hiding hovel, Refusing to let anyone in... Just spread your wings And explore your world, So long as you come home You've things to learn, So go and see But guard your heart, young waverer Wandering soul, you seem so lost You waver in this twisted world So unsure, young waverer You're homeward bound Young waverer.

Dear Heart ~

A bruised and bloody heart It's all I see right now Bits and pieces missing How I wish I had them all I think about the piece you have And wonder why I gave it Can I say 'I want it back'? Because, I think you hate it What have yo done with my dear heart? have you squirreled it away? Added to your ever growing collection Damned to be just another one Dear heart, I'm sorry what I've done to you Tearing you apart I wish I could fix it, make it up to you, But I don't know where to start I can see that bit of heart I gave you Thrown aside in the corner of your mind You carry on, so unaware of its sadness over being there Hidden under a pile Of all your rash and wanton thoughts Smothered by things you wont let go Stashed away in your dark and brooding heart I think about the piece you have And wonder why I gave it Can I say 'I want it back'? Because, I think you hate it What use is it to you now, Since you've gone and left me here? Now I sit, alone and bitter And you're off drinking beer I hope you treat my dear heart well You may not want it, but it's there I tell you this so you can't say That you were unaware Because that bit is part of me And I'm still very fragile So please don't cause it much more pain Because I know that I can't battle A bruised and bloodied heart, That's the image in my head But soon that heart will heal And I will move ahead.

Reminiscing at a glance

My heart is pounding
My eyes unfocused
My breathing heavy
As I remember
And try to keep my mind steady

Memories -
All come flooding back to me
Locked somewhere deep behind my eyes
Your touch
Your smell
Your voice
Your lies
All barely out of reach, but never truly lost

Uninvited guests
Making me uneasy
Yet, I hold them hostage
To torturously please me

Autumn's come, the colors changing
And of you, my thoughts have dwindled
But, I do still hope I catch your eye,
Searching for your glance as we pass,
Silently

There is no hope in that shared stare.
Just pained visions of the past
Memories of happy days
Days we'd hoped would last


- Posted from emikel's iPhone -

My Ocean and Me

Sometimes I feel like the Ocean and Me Have more things in common than you can see I'm sorry if I've hurt you Drowned you in my pain Immersed you in my passion Swallowed by a wave of rage Lately I've been the definition of confusion Switching from blue skies to rain Back and forth from peace to trepidation Changing in the blink of your eye When all I wish to do Is hold you in my arms And rock you back to sleep To the rhythm of our hearts It's you who calms my stormy moods And stirs me up inside You don't know it, but it's true, But these feelings I must hide from you Yes I'm as uncertain as the sea Unsure of who I should be If I should dash your heart upon the rocks, Or pull you out to play Should I let you float on by? Watching from the corner of my eye As I let you gently slip away Unaware of me Yes, sometimes I feel like the sea Which means you don't really know me... At all.

Wonderings of a Beloved

I lay with eyes wide open I'm gazing at the stars Like a thousand brilliant diamonds Skillfully placed above us My mind is overwhelmed with beauty As I hide in the stillness of the night The darkness and the silence, Both so easily shattered by a light, Become a place of refuge There's beauty all around me and Sometimes it's hard to see That the hand that formed creation Also created me What am I compared to stars? To the oceans vast with life? My intentions aren't always pure My thoughts easily lead astray My heart is bruised and feet are bloody Because I try to run away I stumble and I weep I fall Oh how easily I fall And still you pick me up,  and make me new Ever singing "I love you." I'm astounded by your mercy Ever hungry for your grace Your love is overwhelming And in fear I hide my face You've captured my attentions and You're here to woo my damaged heart These things I don't deserve, Yet faithfully you give I try to run away  and like a child I get lost I forsake the one who gave me his life and still he draws me near So I will sing of this love I'm learning Please, give me ears to hear.